The Hurricane/Burchill conflict: endings and beginnings

*Editor's note: I'm well aware of the possibility of ECW being re-branded and disappearing for good. That said, I will honor my vow to end my ECW analysis blog. So, the countdown is on. I will, however, continue to blog as if ECW will still exist until said expiration date is given. So, enjoy to the fullest. If I have to, and if there's a lot of demand for such, I will immortalize these blogs elsewhere for your reading and viewing pleasure. That said, enjoy the ride while it lasts.*


Once upon a time, a wrestler named Paul Burchill was drafted to the ECW brand with this sister, Katie Lea. His plan was to make a new name for himself and be the brute of a Brit that he has always been. He wasn't very successful at that, as he started losing more matches than he won. At the same time, another wrestler was struggling like Burchill, but not to win matches. He struggled to make due on ECW while he could not wrestle due to injuries, ring rust, and a lack of confidence in his health from his superiors. It was Gregory Helms, and his only solace was to be a broadcast journalist, interviewing people backstage. One day, while interviewing Mark Henry, someone was in peril backstage. All of a sudden, Helms disappeared. Then, a mysterious yet familiar figure saved this person. It was a masked man wearing green and black, with dark ominous hair. Then, as this figure disappeared, Helms returned to interview Henry. Who was this masked man? It was the Hurricane and he was slowly making his return to wrestling. As his heroic exploits were making waves, Burchill couldn't help but notice along with others. However, it was Burchill who jealously demanded Helms admit that it was he who was the Hurricane. Burchill didn't like the fact that everyone was falling for this obvious ruse and wanted Helms to admit that he was insulting the people's intelligence. Burchill even threatened Helms with physical force, until finally, the Hurricane confronted Burchill, and the war ensued.

What followed were a string of matches between Helms and Burchill, along with various skirmishes between the two with the Hurricane winning more battles against Burchill. Discontent with the situation he was in, Burchill challenged the Hurricane to a "Mask vs. Career" match where if the Hurricane lost, he'd remove his mask and reveal his identity, but if Burchill lost, he and his sister would leave ECW forever. Burchill lost the match and his place on ECW. Now, the move was made for one, if not various reasons. First off, the WWE liked Helms as a wrestler, but knew he wouldn't survive on any other show besides ECW. So, the decision was made and given that he wouldn't go anywhere. As for Burchill, the early decision was to move he and his sister back to Raw. As for the reason, well, I can only assume that it was to get Katie in the mix for the Divas title. However, that idea was nixed, and now we see Burchill and Lea begging for their jobs on ECW, while elsewhere, a masked individual is attacking the Hurricane. His mask is reminiscent to that of The Scarecrow on Batman Begins and his frame looks rather hulking as if it were....wait for it....Burchill under the mask. Yes, we're taking that road, folks. Paul Burchill is now attacking the Hurricane while under a mask, as a masked super-villain. And that, in a nutshell, is the Paul Burchill/Hurricane conflict with the fallout as mentioned weeks ago by yours truly. The end.




What? I'm supposed to analyze this? Great. I couldn't just go out like the Game Overthinker and just walk away with a short day. Ok. So I really have to analyze this? You know what? I'm not going to. I'm just going to leave it as is. That's all. See you next week.


































Still here? Looks like you are. Ok, here's my take on this situation. How many times are they going to repackage, shift around, mess with, abuse, and downright screw with Paul Burchill's career? I mean, come on already. He started out as a British brute teamed with Regal as a mentor, and was looking to do some damage. Then, just like that, he's got the plug pulled on him. The next time he shows up, he is dressed like a pirate, pushing the fact that his great ancestors were pirates. This was his own doing, mind you. He was so adamant in making something of his career that he came up with this idea about him portraying a pirate. He was also cashing in on the fame and success of the "Pirates of the Caribbean" franchise. Heck, he made William Regal dress up like a woman while with him. Then, around the time that he got a real female valet (Shelly Martinez, if you recall, who became Ariel to Kevin Thorn), the WWE pulled the plug on this idea only because the always innovative Vince McMahon didn't get the pirate idea because he never saw or even heard about the "Pirates" franchise. This is the same Vince McMahon who thinks it's relevant to have Verne Troyer host Raw and make a bunch of Austin Powers jokes, which are, to date, 10 years out of reference. Meanwhile, the "Pirates" stuff was still fresh and actually current. So, Burchill gets written off of television selling an injury by Mark Henry, and is back to square one. He disappears from the WWE for months on end to return to this current gimmick only to receive more static from the WWE. Initially, this gimmick was to have an incest-based relationship between Paul and Katie, but the WWE put the kibosh on it as soon as it started. This was because the WWE decided to become more kid-friendly at that exact time. So, Burchill was curtailed, and sadly, lost more matches because of it. Now, he's doing the same thing he was doing when he was curtailed, only now, after losing this war with the Hurricane, he's now donning a mask. Sadly, the WWE commentators took it upon themselves to make a bunch of references to "The Dark Knight" and "Batman Begins", while doing it. Ok, so now, it's good to make a bunch of references to movies, since we have a major blockbuster like Batman on our hands, but if it's Pirates of the Caribbean, it doesn't work? I get this sinking feeling that it's Triple H in Vince's ear, making mention to the movies that are worth joking about. It's gotta be fart jokes, midget jokes, toilet humor, and lots of testosterone-driven action, not silly, frilly pirates or something. What's even worse is that Burchill has probably gone through 5 or so different finishers which have all failed to catch on. Traversing through gimmicks can do that to someone.

Why am I neglecting the Hurricane? What should I say about him? He won, remember? He's going to keep his spot. Now, he's the barometer for Burchill's career as they are involved in this pseudo-comic war that the knucklehead hacks of the creative team could come up with. All we know about the Hurricane is that he's about a few losses away from becoming virtually irrelevant as Tommy Dreamer. Sadly, he and Burchill are in this mess together. But, I guess the real reason I'm neglecting the Hurricane is because he was a success, more than Burchill has been. You'd be remiss to neglect the titles he's won, owned, and defended. Burchill, on the other hand, hasn't had that success.

Hold on a minute! I'm getting an interesting piece of news. It turns out that fellow British ECW star, D.J. Gabriel, is now working a mask gimmick in FCW as a way to retool his failing career in the WWE. Perhaps, maybe, it would be wise to team Gabriel and Burchill together as some sort of masked super-villain team? Both are British, both have to hide their faces behind masks to hide their ECW shame, and both are suffering from being re-tooled for their own good, one more so than the other. It works if you think about it. But, thinking and the WWE don't really go hand in hand.

What is it going to take for the WWE to finally get behind Paul Burchill? If it's nothing, then fire the guy, stop squandering his talents, and be done with it. Otherwise, just commit to something and make it work. He's a great wrestler and a fine hand in the ring. If he doesn't seem as such anymore, it's due to all that time off he's been getting for, well, not wrestling. Make the move already! Give him something to work with. So far, he has something to work with, but how long will it last? It's through the whims of a creative madman in Vince that keeps Burchill from ascending up the ladder, let alone existing in good favor in the WWE. He's like a weekend hobby that a person never gets around to, but always promises to. In my case, he's my guitar, which hasn't been touched in months, despite my incessant need to learn.

Poor Paul Burchill, what are you going to do? You lost on ECW, now your career is through. You're wearing a mask to fight your way on t.v., because the writers don't have a clue. Now, it's only a matter of time before they make you the next "Who?" (Jim Neidhart's masked gimmick that was a failure from the start). So, there's the fallout of the war between Burchill and the Hurricane. It's not even over yet. It's still going. It's now entered the "ran out of ideas, so let's steal from pop culture" phase. This usually has pretty bad results, so time will tell where this goes. In my opinion, it will go down the toilet, like the rest of Burchill's gimmicks. But, hey, it's not like he doesn't have a job, right? Getting paid to not know your future is still getting paid, when you think about it. And if they can pay a slew of wrestlers in the WWE without having creative direction for them, there shouldn't be anything wrong with this. Well, there is one thing. See, you have two solid hands at wrestling stuck working an angle that not even the most jaded of young fans will hope to get, let alone care about. Instead of putting them in better position to move their careers, they are placed in a position to fail or be forgotten. Trust me when I say this: when you are on this version of ECW, you will be forgotten. If I'm wrong, explain why ECW was missing from close to three straight PPVs.